What does the ideal partnership look like? Does one even exist? I think everyone has to answer that for themselves. I would like to give my own view on this. I'm now in my mid-40s and have gained a bit of experience, I think. Up until the age of 26, I was very happy with my single life.
After that, I had the experience of a 12-year relationship. With what seems to be a typical course at the moment. Child, house, marriage and divorce. I had planned to stay alone for a while after the separation. But as life goes, the next relationship developed, this time for about five years. With patchwork, greater distance and two, or in the end even three households. Yes, and after another separation, I am writing this blog after a few months have passed and I have achieved the necessary distance and reflection.
The question also arises: relationship? Do we need it, or for what? I think we are social beings who want to live in communities or partnerships. At least for a large part of our existence. The word want in the previous sentence is very meaningful to me. Because wanting is always a more favorable prerequisite than having to. Now there may be an objection. Nobody has to have a relationship! I don't necessarily disagree with that. But in my view and experience, there is often a need in many relationships. Only this having to is disguised. Disguised by dependencies between the two partners. Dependencies that can have many reasons and causes. Such a "have to" is often very helpful for both of them for a while. They need each other and have found each other in this way. But needing is certainly not a good prerequisite for a nurturing relationship. For me, a partnership should, as the name suggests, be between two equal partners. This is not always the case, as I see it.
Trust is also such a big issue. In my view, there can be no partnership without trust. Without trust, there can be no absolute presence. This presence, being completely there, being able to give yourself completely is also something essential for me in a relationship. Without trust, devotion is not possible. It's more about protecting yourself. But what is the point of a partnership if one of the two has to protect themselves from the other? Then, of course, it's about the truth. First and foremost about your own. How true am I in my relationship? Am I completely there, do I want it with everything I have. Really 100%, i.e. completely. 99% may already be far too little. Does every part of me want this relationship. Freely. Even if I am financially independent, for example. I don't need anyone to take care of me, or I don't need anyone to take care of me. How independent am I in my partnership? How much can I get involved with my partner? To his or her needs and feelings? Am I able to forgive if a mistake has been made? How much of myself do I seem to have to give up in order to maintain the relationship? How much do I distance myself from myself as a result?
Love, of course! We enter into partnerships out of love. A very beautiful idea for me. The word love has already been dismantled and destroyed in many publications. Or broken down. Love is something divine. It is always there. Always within reach for everyone and yet it is often so far away, unattainable. Being in love brings us to each other. Yes, it has to be like that. How long does it last. When does love arise from it. Has it ever been love? How many partners really love each other and is love even necessary for a partnership? Or can't we also love without being in a partnership? Love does not hurt! Love sets us free. If for some reason we are sitting at home suffering alone, or crying in a quiet room because of our partnership, then that is not love.
All these questions that I have raised are now the basic prerequisite for a partnership for me. To be completely absorbed in love, to be able to surrender completely, full of trust. Creating - generating - a true space with my partner out of my own truth. A space in which there is room for both of them as individuals and their needs, in which there is room for feelings, authenticity, vitality, strength and weakness. Tolerance and attentiveness and, above all, great respect for my partner. Of course, there is also room for discussion and arguments. Space for sharing and also space for yourself. Loving authenticity in action, I would say.
